EP 311 — Why Are Relationships Becoming the Number One Reason People Come to Therapy?

Why do so many people find themselves seeking therapy because of their relationships? In this episode, we explore why relationship difficulties have become one of the most common reasons people reach out for support. From break-ups, marriage struggles and modern dating to attachment patterns, emotional wounds and communication challenges, we look at why our closest relationships have such a profound impact on our mental health. Learn why relationships often trigger deeper emotional patterns, why modern dating can feel so psychologically exhausting, and why building healthy relationship skills may be one of the most valuable investments you can make in your overall wellbeing.

Transcript

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Hello and welcome back to and how does that make you feel an Awaken podcast? I'm Jack, therapist and founder of Awaken Online Therapy. And today we're answering the question: why are relationships becoming the number one reason people come to therapy? If you had asked me before I became a therapist what people would come to therapy for, I probably would have said things like anxiety, depression, trauma, stress, burnout, those type of things. And of course, people absolutely do come to therapy for those reasons. But something has really stood out to me recently. Again and again, people walk into therapy because of relationships. Sometimes it's because they've just got broken up with, sometimes they're struggling in a marriage, sometimes they're stuck in a situationship that they can't seem to leave, sometimes they can't find a relationship at all. Sometimes they're trying to rebuild trust after betrayal. And sometimes on the surface, they come because they're anxious or feeling low. Only for us to discover that a relationship is sitting right at the center of everything they're experiencing. Now I want to be careful here. I'm not saying relationships are the number one reason everyone comes to therapy. Different therapists, different settings, and different countries will all see different problems. But I do think relationships has become one of the biggest reasons people do seek support. And I don't think that's a coincidence. So today I want to explore why relationships have become such a significant source of emotional distress, what that tells us about modern life, and why learning to build healthy relationships may be one of the most important things we can ever do for our own mental health. So let's begin with something that sounds obvious but is easy to underestimate. Relationships aren't just one part of our lives, they influence almost every part of our lives. Think about how different your day feels after an argument with your partner, being ghosted, receiving a message from someone you really like, feeling disconnected in your marriage, going through a breakup. Even if nothing else has changed, your mood changes, your concentration changes, your motivation changes, your sleep changes, sometimes your appetite changes. The reason is simple. Human beings are wired for connection. Our closest relationships don't just influence how we feel about other people, they influence how safe we feel in the world. So when those relationships are going well, they often become one of our greatest sources of resilience. But when they're struggling, they can affect almost every area of our well-being. I also think something has changed in what we expect relationships to provide us. Years ago, many relationships were built around practical needs. Today we often hope our partner will be our best friend, our biggest supporter, our emotional safe space, our travel companion, our co-parent, our greatest source of excitement, and the person who understands us better than anyone else in the entire world. Now those things aren't wrong to want. In fact, they're beautiful when they happen. But it does mean that relationships carry enormous emotional weight. When that one relationship isn't working, it can feel like a huge part of your emotional world has been shaken up. And that's one reason relationship difficulties can feel so overwhelming. We're not just grieving the relationship, sometimes we're grieving the future we imagined with that person too. I also think that modern dating has introduced challenges that previous generations experienced differently. Think about some of the language we now use: ghosting, breadcrumbing, situationships, talking stages, orbiting, mixed signals. Many people spend months wondering where do I stand? Do they actually want a relationship? Am I asking for too much? That uncertainty is emotionally exhausting. Our minds generally cope better with painful certainty than endless uncertainty. A breakup hurts, but for months of not knowing where you stand can slowly wear people down. I've seen people spend far more emotional energy trying to interpret someone's inconsistent behavior than they ever spent in the relationship itself, and that's a huge psychological burden to carry. One thing therapy teaches you very quickly is that relationships rarely exist in isolation. Sometimes someone comes to therapy because of one argument with their partner, but as we explore it together, we realize it isn't just about that argument. It touches something much older. Perhaps they grew up feeling rejected, perhaps they learned that they had to earn love, perhaps they became frightened of abandonment. Relationships have an incredible way of bringing old patterns to the surface. That's one reason they can feel so intense. You're not just responding to what's happening today, sometimes you're responding to experiences that began years earlier. And therapy gives people the opportunity to understand those patterns rather than simply repeat them. So here's something I think about a lot. Most of us spend years in school learning math, science, history, geography, but very few of us are ever taught how to communicate during conflict, repair an argument, set healthy boundaries, choose emotionally available partners, regulate our emotions, recognize unhealthy patterns, build trust. Yet these are skills that influence our lives every single day. Instead, many of us learn about relationships by watching our parents, films, social media, previous partners, or simply by making mistakes. So it's hardly surprising that people eventually seek support. Not because they've failed, but because no one ever taught them the skills they needed in the first place. Now, one thing I'd really like to clarify people sometimes think relationship therapy or therapy about relationships is about convincing people to stay together. It absolutely isn't. The goal isn't to save every relationship. The goal is to help people make healthier decisions. Sometimes that means improving communication. Sometimes it means rebuilding trust. Sometimes it means understanding yourself better. And sometimes it means recognizing that letting go is actually the healthiest choice for both people. Therapy isn't about pushing people towards one outcome. It's about helping them move towards healthier relationships, whether that's with a partner, with other people, or with themselves. So if you take one thing from today's episode, let it be this. Relationships matter because people matter. They shape our sense of safety, our confidence, our identity, our happiness, our grief, our hope. So it makes perfect sense that when relationships become difficult, people often seek support. Not because they're weak, not because they're failing, but because human connection is one of the most important parts of being human. And perhaps that's the real lesson here. Looking after your mental health isn't only about managing anxiety or reducing stress, sometimes it's about learning how to build healthier relationships, how to communicate more openly, how to understand yourself more deeply, and how to choose the people who help you become the healthiest version of yourself. Because while relationships can be one of life's greatest sources of pain, they can also become one of its greatest sources of healing. As always, thank you so much for listening. And if you found this podcast useful, feel free to share it with a friend or even rate us five stars on your streaming platform of choice. It really does help us reach more people. I've been Jack, and this has been And How Does That Make You Feel an Awakened Podcast, and I'll see you at the next one.